this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
