wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
