I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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