He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
