this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
