Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize