My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
