Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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