Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
