Just fell off a train. Bad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
