i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize