I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
