Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize