we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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