You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
