she looked like the bat from fern gully.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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