ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
