lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
