I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
