I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
