Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
