Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize