I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
