Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
