Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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