everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
