I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
