right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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