idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Found the puke drawer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
