I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she pinky promised me she was 18
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
