I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
