i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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