Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
