i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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