as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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