my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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