you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
