If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
