Quick, to the slutcave!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
