why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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