So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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