Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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