I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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