I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
