Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
