False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
