Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
