Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
