I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
tell me about the fingering
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