hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
