I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Randomize
