I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
MIDGETS
????
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
