No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
