i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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