Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
