Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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