p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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