I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
