Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
