i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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