maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
this is an emotional support booty call
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
