We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
