I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
