You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
