You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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