the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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