well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
